Posts tagged "cats"

My friend and I had a conversation about my eternal status as the 'single friend'

  • E: It's not like you have to change or whatever.
  • Me: Umm Hello? I'm not even scared of my future cause I just know it'll involve a 100 and 25 cats.
  • E: Look, here's what you gotta do: Lie about your education, political views, do NOT be smarter than the guy you're with, or better yet, don't be smart at all.
  • Me: So to sum things up, I should just lie about my whole personality?
  • E: Exactly.
  • Me: Because that's a great way to start a relationship?
  • E: Exactly! You just gotta pretend to be someone else. You know, someone who's dumb and sweet and accommodating.
  • Me: Um. I probably shouldn't be taking advice from a starving artist who's been in love more times than I've gotten my period.
  • E: Fine! Then be alone with your cats and your books, and masturbate while watching your cats having sex!!
  • Me: I honestly have no reply to that.

FML. Seriously.

So I work at an animal clinic and today I went in and after being there for about 15 minutes I’m called to the back where a dog threw up, shat himself, and peed on the floor AT THE SAME FUCKING TIME.

(To be fair the dog was freakin’ adorable, while I was on all fours cleaning his massive shit off the floor he kept nudging my face with his nose and looking at me with this “I’m incredibly sorry for making a mess, Madam” face. And yes, the dog had a British accent according to my impression, okay? Fuck off.)


After I’m done cleaning that shit up (no pun intended) I set out to do my actual job which is to sit behind a very comfy chair, troll the internet, and make people pay for their pets shots. But no, today I had to give a cat medicine in her vein which means that I have to closely monitor how much I give the cat cause I can easily overdose and thus end the poor bastards life (you can imagine how fucking stressful that can be). So I’m done with that at 22:00. (I’m supposed to get off work at 20:00) and I’m just about to leave when the veterinarian I was working with reminded me to check on the cat at 22:15 to quote MAKE SURE THE CAT’S STILL ALIVE unquote. SERIOUSLY?



P.S.: Of course, I didn’t. In exactly 2 minutes I’m going to check on the cat, and it better fucking be alive.

Mouth diarrhea of mine.

I can NOT spell to save my life.

Not a fan of religion. Or hipsters. Or Republicans. Or people who are not intelligent.

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Umm. Yay?

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